Thursday, February 28, 2008

Goodbye, Litmus Test

As most of you may or may not know, I am very technologically versed. I, frankly, marvel at what man has accomplished over the past 20 years. Everything still surprises me at what we are capable of and hopefully with the coming Fall of the Roman Empire remak--I mean election , we human beings might still be able to see that flying car we were promised 50-60 years ago.

This, however, brings up a bad part which has effected our society greatly and had, alas, gotten rid of our only means of shifting thru those who are mentally insane. I, of course, refer to the Bluetooth.

The Bluetooth has damaged our society more than you can ever imagine. A bold statement, I know, but consider this situation:

You're walking around a narrow hallway (enough for two people to cross easily) and you see before you a man on the other side. As you get closer, it appears that this gentlemen is talking to himself. What do you do?

A) Turn around the other way and pray he does not take notice.
B) Panic and start to look for the nearest security terminal.
C) Carry on and pay the man no mind.

I remember the time where the answer used to be a simple A. Maybe even B if you were a bit paranoid. Generally, people talking to themselves should be avoided and/or committed. However, Blackberry's pose a problem: how do we know who's talking on a Bluetooth and who isn't?

More and more, we must consider the fact that our lives are in great danger. One wrong guess could spell horrible, mutilated death for you and your loved ones! ...or just some hobo asking for change. Either way, are you willing to risk your family's well being (or your change: how else will you feed the meter?) on the gamble that the skinny-looking black man or the stout Hispanic talking to himself further down the road is using a Bluetooth, or is he discussing with the Elder Gods about selecting you as next on the list of sacrifices to appease the hunger of Great Cthulhu?

America, the Litmus test is gone! No more are we safe from our rational and logical thoughts of avoiding people on the streets talking to themselves! Gone are the days where such situations could be avoided! You will now never really know now when you're walking around your college campus and hear a man right behind you, talking to himself, that he's not actually a crazy psycopath stalking you...or a harmless(?) college student just talking on his Bluetooth.

May God have mercy on our souls.

3 comments:

Dad 2 eight said...

You see, Nipster, if you have my paranoid world view that all members of the human race are in need of psychotherapy, your problem is solved...Bluetooth or no.

Love

DAD

Flession said...

You're bring up a good point. Required psychotherapy sessions for all US citizens sounds like a backing I could stand for...you know, if I ignore the fact that it would cost tons of the taxpayer's money.

Maybe we can just save some cash and only require it for people who register Democrat.

Might I recommend you pick up the book "The Liberal Mind: The Psychological Causes of Political Madness." sometime. You might find your world view somewhat accepted.

Dad 2 eight said...

Nip: Saw your comment on peacefulness. I am 83% peaceful. Just 17% short of being a doorpost.

DAD